Milani's Journal

I like Facebook in that you get a lot of opportunities to just meet different people.
Of course, if you're smart enough to avoid the crazies and pedophiles.

I met my friend Fin through an "Interview" application that asks you questions and then shows the answers to other people who are answering the question around the same time. I was doing it out of boredom for like half an hour one day, and Fin messaged me saying he thought I'd be an interesting person because I had such uncanny answers to everything. XD And we just became friends from there.

Today, a friend of mine became a "fan" thing of Snoopy, and I love Snoopy so I joined it too. :D Half an hour later, someone from Turkey PMed me saying he was an English student and was trying to find some help with it. Shady, I know, but don't think I accepted his friend request. My profile's on private and messages without private information are harmless. Plus, his keyboard types things differently automatically than an American keyboard, so. Either way, it's nice to be able to meet new people without being dumb enough to get yourself in trouble. :p

I was looking through an old diary in the memory boxes under my bed today.



DATE: March
This is the first time I wrote in this Direy.

DATE: 3/28/96
GIVE DAD TEAL FOLDER

DATE: June 18, 1997
Dear Diary
Today We are going to Washing Dc.

June 25
Dear Diary,
Today We are, going back home! I'm going to see Memere agen. I missed her. I'm going to go help. bye! See you back home! (drawing of car)

DATE: June 31, 1997
you no what I got Miss Barabe [sic] for next year! I no ware her Class room is. Rite across from My teacther I had this year. (drawings of hearts)

DATE: June 31, 1997 (note, new page after skipping a blank one)
Well I thingk that Miss Barube is going to be Nice. I hope so. I go backe to scchool in Agest.
-----"Sameday"----
Well I'm going to go play. bye !! :)

DATE: 3/98
Dear Diary,
Today was boring. (1) Coco took the c.r[?] away from me!
(2) it's night
Gatta go! bye!
< -- Lin -- >

DATE: 10-6-98
Dear Diary,
Wow! I have not written in here for months! I'm gonna be a TIMAGOTHI [Tamagotchi] for Halloween! I'm so exited! A Timagochi is a giga pet that is really cute!! :P
I have to say my prayers. Bye!
~Linette~
(drawing of sleeping cat with thought bubble: "ZZ Food")

DATE: 3/98
Dear Diary,
I liked today. Only One thing I don't. The news. Dad said: "Kid shot other kids." Woa! That's bad! I've never seen so much kids be so mean! Gatta go! bye! :P
[I remember being particularly traumatized about this on the news; it was a school shooting at a middle school somewhere out west.]

DATE: 2/?/00
Dear Diary,
Today was better than yesterday. We had Mrs. Mac Mrs. Macamamus Mrs. McManus for a sub at school. I wonder what happend to Mrs. Campbell? Some people say she went to Florida. Others say she's at home with the flou. I'll have to ask her. I think she's got the flou. Bye! Goodnight!
(drawings of teacher with flu or in Florida)

DATE: 2/20(?)/00
Dear Diary,
Well.. Vacation begins this week. I've got my headphones on but they're not working. oops! Never mind, they were too rewinded. I'm listening to "Come to me". Ya know... "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you..rest!"--That song. It's beautiful. [This is a Catholic song my mom always used to play... I'm surprised and touched that I wrote this.]
Can you believe? My cactus--been living from April, 1999 to--...sometime in the future. That means that in one months time, I'll have it for a full year! Cool, eh? (thought bubble from a drawing of a cat with sunglasses: "Are you sure a year?") G2G Goodbye! Cya tomorrow!
Linette
Bai Bai
^__^;

11/13/00 :P DATE: 5th grade
Dear Diary,
HOLY COW! I haven't written for months! Um-- I guess today was ok. I forgot to write--I've got Miss O'Hearn for 5th grade. I hope I get Mr. L for 6th next year.
It's November, and Turkey Day's coming in 10 days! Wait, Mom's B-day is on Thanksgiving?! I need to go shopping!! Yup! Haw. I'm so good in class.. I've already been called the teacher's pet HAH!! ---> turn page
I'm officially USING this diary. Expect me to be writing more often now that I found it in my mystery bookcase! It's another world in there. *YAAAAWN!* I've got Pokemon Gold. It's awsome. BUT I WOULD explain it to you--but WHY? The game is TOO LONG!
Heh. I'm no longer a newbie. I am an oldie and proud of it!
-Linette
the 5th grader
(ok, I'll shuttup now)

[several *long* entries about cute boys in 6th grade]

[several entries about being ugly in 6th grade]

[The last entry was an out-of-place drawing of some sort in the middle of the book immediately after these entries, that looks like it was drawn back when I first got the journal when I was 6.]
(picture of a fox, me, and my grandmother who is waving) Fox, Me, Memere
(picture of fox running after a rabbit) Fox went to Eat.
(another picture of grandmother waving) Lin went to Memere's house.
(several drawings of unicorns and pegasi)

When I was six, I got sick for a little while. One day, my mom came home with a teddy bear for me. The bear was pure white, with big, beady amber eyes and a black nose, and a red and white ribbon around her neck. She had belonged to my uncle (a priest)'s caretaker. At the time, my uncle was very ill as well, and was moving from his home to a nursing home, and so they were getting rid of some of his things. My mom took a teddy bear, gave her to me, and told me her name was Lucy (after my uncle's caretaker) since it had originally belonged to her.

I slept with the bear under my arm every night until eighth grade. I loved Lucy like a best friend. I'd get upset when I'd accidentally push her on the floor in my sleep. She always had to be near. When I went through a phase in fear that our house would burn down, I swore that I'd grab her if the house was on fire. I had a whole treasure chest full of stuffed animals, some of which are still sentimentally valuable--Chocolate the small, beady brown dog and Coony, the hollow blue raccoon I got from Goodwill that had no stuffing in his body--but Lucy still never left my bed and was never replaced.

When I was going into freshman year of high school, I made the deliberate decision that I was "too old to sleep with stuffies", and thus retired the graying stuffed bear to the top of my bureau, where she sat for four years watching me get up for school every morning, dig out some clothes, and go to school. Spend a few hours on the computer later that day. Rush through a couple sloppily done school project posters I'd manage As on. Watched me laugh and cry and grow up a little. I spared her a couple glances every so often, but in my messiness and teenaged "throw things around my room carelessly" thing, she occasionally became buried in stuff--cards, knickknacks, paper--until the next time I'd be checking something in the mirror, and notice she was missing. I would jump every time, whine to myself, and immediately unearth her from all my stuff, as if she were a human being that didn't deserve such treatment. As if she was a long, lost best friend who didn't deserve to be buried as such.

When my computer was taken out, she moved to the computer desk/library where she couldn't be buried under stuff, but was instead surrounded by a number of Snoopy dolls, action figures, and just general trash that I would pile there in a hurry. She leaned against the wall, surrounded by all kinds of random things, and simply watched from afar as I lived out my senior year of high school. Because I was so busy, I didn't think to look at her very often. I was only in my room to sleep, or to pack for different activities. She simply leaned against the wall, and quietly watched with her big, amber eyes and little ribbon around her neck. The silent observer.

I continued packing for college today, and realized that I would need to bring a few stuffed animals from home to remind me of my family (and for the sake of hugs when lonely). I thought of Lucy immediately, but kind of put the thought aside. I thought about bringing the white polar bear Chelsea had made for me at Build-a-Bear (and I had made one for her) as well as a giraffe plushie (with a New England College teeshirt on it) my sister had made for me for my birthday at college this past year and was happy with both. I packed them away in a "stuffed animals" box (which included those two and stuffed ducks for the collection, of course), before going back to Lucy. Her fur was so badly gray, her ribbon a little droopy. Funny, how that ribbon had never loosened in all her years. I took her out and smiled, knowing she could use a good washing that she never got when I was a kid. But even as gray and somewhat sad and droopy she looked, she reminded me of home. Although she's just a bear, with how long I've had her, she almost seems like a wise old lady figure who always smiles and watches with a uniquely eternal patience for the world. I put her in the washer and dryer (with a dryer sheet that would make her fuzzy and nice smelling), and was excited and thrilled to see how she'd look when done.

Sitting in my lap now between me and the laptop, she is fuzzy, nice smelling, and pure white again. I hug her, and she seems so small. It has been so long since I've hugged her. My arms and my whole self have grown twice in size, but she is still the same size bear as when I got her from my mom--but back then, she seemed so big. She was a complete armful when I hugged her back then. But regardless... it's so nice to hug her again and to see her restore to her former glory. It's so nice just to have this little teddy bear that my mom gave me.

She'll be there to hug when I get to college.
I just hope to give her to one of my kids someday, so they'll have their own Lucy to love too.

Talk about an eventful day...:

My cousin got married. Aww! Congrats, Joe!
But it was a looooong wedding.

I got a new pair of glasses! Finally!
My old ones were scratched up... and my prescription has "significantly changed"...
but they don't look very much different.
At least they are not falling off my face!

Also, I bought a bass guitar!
I'm so excited! And I'm not too bad at it either, in my opinion.
But I've only just started learning. :P

RULES:
— Pick your birth month.
— Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
— Bold (or italicize) the five-ten that best apply to you.
— Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a lj-cut.
— Tag 5 people from your friends list.


MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.


( The other months... )

The guys at Staples bought me a cake.
They made me a card and everyone signed it.
Gosh. I love those people.
I know I complain about Staples.
But really, it was the work. It was rarely the people (at least after the manager left).

All these goodbyes. Friends, family, coworkers.
The old, 15-year-old cat they put down today who has been sick for months.
Places you grew up in. People you grew up seeing everyday.
Everything you were familiar with and took for granted.
The comfort of safety at home.
The comfort of looking forward to seeing your mom's car after a long day of work.
The ability to willingly (and honestly) use family time as an excuse to get out of a date.
The feeling of your family's hug, irreplaceable.
The long, lost sound of your mom yelling at you to wake you up every morning,
since it was the only think that would wake you up for school.
Sundays at Church with the whole family.
Your parents' cooking.
Everything. Everything you were once so accustomed to, saying goodbye to.

It's like going to your own wake before you've even died.

I'm terrified.
I'm so scared.
I'm missing everything already, and I haven't even left yet.



I couldn't bear to write "goodbye" on my note to my coworkers I left on the cake on the table.
So I said "till next time" instead.