Milani's Journal

milani @ 2005-03-16T09:27:00

2005-03-16T15:28:18Z

okay I lied!
treiss
<<; Okay.
I love you people.
And.
You're all wonderful for putting up with me.
OKAY?!

not like my journal is anything neat to read anyway

milani @ 2005-03-15T05:53:00

2005-03-15T12:00:28Z

Okay. Journal coming back to life.

Friends status:
Added?
Nobody yet. XD

Removed?
amianiss - Unadded me. ;x
ecstaticfoil - Didn't add me back in the first place.
glitterdevil - Just... haven't talked to him much. -shrugs-
groovydog - Never added.
id_rather_hide - ... I can't even remember who this person is. :/
phantomman - Yup, gone seperate ways.
razord - He dun't use his LJ anymore, apparently.
redscool - Unadded me.

Working on a layout for this because I can't stand this. <3

milani @ 2005-02-04T10:53:00

2005-02-04T18:53:36Z

xikali

milani @ 2005-01-28T21:25:00

2005-01-29T03:26:04Z

I change my mind far too often. <3

Journal Change

2005-01-18T00:11:59Z

lynxerfly

READ THE RULES IN MY INFO ON THAT ACCOUNT.
Add me.
Comment.
<3

milani @ 2005-01-12T23:23:00

2005-01-13T05:29:02Z

1) I wish people would grow up.
2) I wish I could go back to the beginning of December.
3) I'm glad I'm nolonger a permanent clearing-goer.
4) I'm tired.
k?
k.

Musings

2005-01-08T14:36:01Z

Have you ever felt that somehow you're just not good enough? Whether by word of mouth, subtle hints or just your own mind? That feeling can be pretty discouraging, I think everybody knows what it's like. Most of the human poulace has a low level of self esteem, that is a fact - and the rest are either indifferent or too cocky for their own good. Hardly anyone has found that happy medium between underconfidence and overconfidence. Especially online. Online you're judged by your personality. People can like you without knowing your race, religion, family tree, place of origin, sexual preference, what you look like, how you talk or what you wear. They just know, in pure essence, who you are, without all of that covering it. In most cases, anyway. Some people choose to pretend to be someone they're not because they don't think they're good enough how they are. Or for whatever reason.

But I digress.

Lately I've noticed more and more how I use the words 'I can't'. It's a pretty common phrase, and it can be found wherever you go. They're pretty discouraging words, like admitting defeat in a battle that's yet to be started. Doesn't really wanna make you go out and actually try, because hey, you've already declared that you can't do it, so why bother? You can't. Right?

Wrong.

I'm tired of putting myself down, whether because someone thinks I can't do it, or whether I just think I can't because of whatever happening's around me. I'm tired of coming up to so many obstacles and just turning around because I've been made to believe, whether by myself or others, that I can't overcome that obstacle. From now on I'm going to try to fight that battle, I'm going to try to overcome that obstacle. And whatever happens afterward, I know I tried. And if I fail, that just means I need to try harder.

So how many people are breathing a sigh of relief and saying 'Finally!'?

Hee.

Pfft.

2005-01-06T00:52:30Z

This entry is not about Liam. kthx.

Life is just whatever right now. That's my attitude. .-. Possibly from lack of sleep but whatev.

Changed names on Furc to Xikali. No I don't care if you care. SUE ME?

There're a few people I'd love to murder right now, for various reasons. Causing pain, causing anger, causing frustration, causing negative anything. Just for being fucktards. I hope you're happy, assholes.

I'm done. x.x

Aaand life goes on.

2005-01-02T17:43:53Z

So like I'm due for an update. Joy?

New Year's Eve/M'birthday was okay, had a horrible headache most of the day so I went to sleep and such. Talked to people, got roses.. Abbi gave me a phoe. YOU ARE THE LUFFS, ABBI. <3<3<3<3<3 Was a generally happy day, I got a silver earring holder kitty thinger, a kickass wolf poster, two pairs of tightish pants that flare at the knee (which I'm strangely attached to), a new shirt, a watch, a pillow that won't kill my neck, and three more Terry Pratchett books. So now I have The Truth, Equal Rites, Pyramids, Wyrd Sisters, Theif of Time, and The Light Fantastic (which I'm currently reading). Those are all in the Discworld series, by the way. I highly recommend all of Terry Pratchett's stuff, he's such a humorous writer and his books are so good. So, anyway. I'll most likely be doing lots of reading lately, which means I'll be afked lots. Hurr.

Day before that (morning actually), I had a run-in with Mike, my brother-in-law. I was taking out the trash and then I went downstairs to check my laundry and saw him sneaking into the family room. Downstairs is also where my sister and her family lives, and where my room is, which I can't use in winter due to the cold. Family room is across from their room, but the thing is, he's not allowed in that room anymore. So I did my laundry and such and snuck down the hallway and turned on the light, found him hiding behind the door. We kinda had an argument, in which I stated that if he was doing anything illegal and I found out, it wouldn't be kept quiet. I've found pills, strangeass ones, in that room before, leading me to believe he's doing drugs. I also informed him that if he hurt my sister in any way, I'd hurt him. It's hard to be intimidating when you're trying to intimidate someone who's over a foot taller than you, but I managed to pull it off 'cause he went stumbling for words. He used the excuse that he was taking out their trash, which he never did. Went back upstairs for a few, came back down, went into my room to get something, a book I think, and he came up to me and said something about there being a crapload of viruses on the computer. To which I pointed out that:
A) He hasn't been on this computer in MONTHS, so how the fuck would he know?
B) He's not allowed on this computer anymore.
C) It's not his computer, and if he's been mucking around enough to find any viruses, he's obviously in deep shit, 'cause it's not his computer to muck around in.
D) Since he's such an asshole, I wouldn't doubt if he put them there.
He shut up after that.

Yesterday I did pretty much nothing. Was a shit day, mostly 'cause I didn't get to see Matt.

I need to work on my website and crap. =/ Blerk. -goes back to waiting for Matt-

milani @ 2005-01-01T00:00:00

2005-01-01T05:01:20Z

Happy new year, everyone. <3

milani @ 2004-12-30T04:56:00

2004-12-30T10:09:01Z

You know what I'm sick of seeing? People who think they're above everyone else. Like people who would sit at the desk. OFFDUTY HELPERS. And when told that's not allowed they'd go 'Fine' and go on duty and KEEP SITTING THERE. Or when people sit there dissing other people's ports repeatedly, when they yoinked their port from a patch. An ugly one. And then use the excuse that they've got the right to state their opinion. While this is true, isn't there a difference between stating your opinion, and simply being a jerk? ... I think so.

My birthday is tomorrow. Yay? Not really sure what to feel. I'm not that excited. It's the same way every year - My mom trying to make everything special, my dad not really caring, my sister attempting to 'bond'. Maybe people will leave me be this year. ... Hah. Doubt it. Fourteen, huh? I never really pictured myself being fourteen this fast. I still feel twelve. People tell me I've changed, but I don't see it. I've changed by clearing standards, certainly - But inside I don't feel much difference. But then, I'm blind to myself. Oh well. o.o

I doubt I'll be updating tomorrow, so... happy new year, people.

Harharhar.

2004-12-24T02:16:59Z

What Will Milani Get ?

Xmas pressie predictor
Big wooly jumper knitted by	life_fox
Pair of Socks from	oryon_twinkie
Bottle of Whiskey from	dewprisms
Cd from	razord
Something Cuddly from	tafyrn
Something Intoxicating from	groovydog
Something Silly from	id_rather_hide
Something Funny from	inhandra
Lump of coal from	glitterdevil
Something Pretty from	phantomman
Something Shiny from	redscool
Something Naughty from	pyratus
Something Smelly from	hopes_star
Something Breakable from	xinakie
Something Useful from	bradkitty
Something not useful from	sacredbucket
The Black and Decker Tool Kit from	abbi_tigger
Livejournal account from	groovydog
The Make-up Bag from	xinakie
Stack of DVDs from	dewprisms
Something Geeky from	razord

Something geeky from Raz. I can believe it. XD

milani @ 2004-12-23T10:47:00

2004-12-23T15:53:48Z

Your World (Part One): What is your world made of? [girls]
brought to you by Quizilla

Reflections.

2004-12-21T12:50:11Z

Lately I've been wondering at myself. Trying to remember back before I had digos, before I was a Beekin, before I ended up heartbroken as hell over Paul. I don't remember much of myself back then. I do not. I honestly... can't remember. That scares me, or something. I'm not sure where I transgressed from a normal person to.. a not-so-normal person. I'm not so sure where I decided that it was fun to just be carefree, have arguments, bash people... no worries, right, 'cause hey, responsibility is for the real world, and we're obviously not there. I'm not sure where I decided to start being more mature. I'm also not sure where I decided that I was above others, like I was better, like life was just some sort of game, just turn it off and ignore it if you lose. I guess after my relationship with Will I decided that it just wasn't worth being that way anymore, and became more... calmish, engrossing myself even more into Beekin-crap. I remember cussing out Cosmos, the only two times I was ever booted. Today I wouldn't do that. I'm not sure where I came out of my morbid state, where black was a must in any colours I had, and that was it. I'm not sure where I decided pink was just another color. I'm not sure where I decided the clearing wasn't so bad after, all, even with all the fights. I remember my breif hangouts, New Haven, Challenges... I remember being digo obsessed for awhile, and I remember getting kind of over it. I remember being hurt, and I remember being happy. But I don't know how I changed. I kind of miss the old me, the one that didn't think twice before pressing enter. The one who didn't reign in her temper. The one who didn't give a good damn about yesterday or tomorrow. I'm content with who I am, but I don't understand where I changed. I don't think I ever will understand that.

"Here and now just passed.
There it goes again.
Oops. Again.
Every moment counts. Make it worthwhile.
Don't dwell on what happened or what's to come."

milani @ 2004-12-18T21:05:00

2004-12-19T02:06:02Z

I may be gone for a long time without notice. My computer fan is getting worse and worse and I can't do anything about it. So. If I disappear, that's why. <3

Quizzer.

2004-12-18T07:02:03Z

Your Beauty lies
in Nature. Down to earth, laid back and a natural
beauty. You have no need for
make-up or accessories that most others do. In fact
you most likely find them a
nuisance. You are probably a little tom-boyish in
your jeans and tees with a
great love for nature. You probably know more about
plants and animals than most
people and you'd rather spend your times outdoors
and in the sun, independent
and free. You can be a bit distant with people,
preferring the company of
animals over people, which isn't always the best
thing. You can be kind and
sweet, but not many see that side of you as you
often have misunderstandings
with people. You are very go-with-the-flow sort of
person and usually try to
avoid fights even if it means changing your opinion
or belief. Still, you are
you look your best actually without make-up and in
casual clothes. Very few can
say that. Be proud.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Earth, Wind Animal: Horse Color:
Green, Purple, Earth Tones Song:
The Memory Of Trees by Enya Expression: Cool
Smile

Gemstone:
Emerald Mythological Creature: Fairy, Elf
Planet: Earth
Hair Color: Brown Eye Color:
Bright Green

Quote:
"Horses love me. Cowboys fear me."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

That's so weird. My Chinese astrological sign if the Horse, and... green/purple are my favoritish colors... my hair is brown. x.x WTF-O. ):

Iiick...

2004-12-14T20:14:22Z

I feel nasty. The throat hurts, my ear is tryingt o hurt, and I'd eat but my stomach feels like it's threatening to do dry heaves. x.x My head feels like a cement block and all I want to do is sleep. So I'm attempting to ignore these things. ... Fun, great, lovely. Anyways. ><;

I changed my compy's clock's time over to EST, because that's Matt's time zone. And I pretty much live on his time anyway. Sooo... I'm feeling the effects of that. I was up until seven this morning. x.x EEEEEEEEEEE. Oh, well. -loves- <3

Got my dream finished finally... I think... well, for now. Has everything necessary right now, so... I'm tired of DSing. o.o One more cause and effect and I will scream. =) It's just under 400 KB. Fuuu. I'ma try and shorten that.

Now I need to work on my website and my geography. I so don't want to read a boring textbook about climate and shit I will never ever use in the real world. ... x.x My head hurts.

Lalala.

2004-12-12T22:02:18Z

So like, a real update, wow. Those rarely happen nowadays. Recap!

I love Matt. k. <3

We're now engaged, as of the seventh. <3333333

I've been working on my dream, sort of. I think I've finally chosen a layout I can live with. x.x

Been working on my website as well, it's like 1/3rd done.

Discovered I have some malware on my computer. I think I may have fixed it but we'll see.

I have one website layout commission and another pending one, fun.

I'm not sure where I stand with Shadow Haven anymore.

My money order got there and was processed, and I got a 23 bucks credit so I got the three portspaces for the price of two thing, and gave one to Matt.

Neca made me a port.

Saffy made me a port.

Matt made me a port.

Inhandra's making me a port.

So is Silvvy/Noddy.

I need more portspaces.

I'm hoping to have my website done by my birthday, fun.

My birthday is coming up, the 31st. I don't want to get older.

I have winter colors and stuff. <3

Groov and I have... reconciled? Something. I don't know.

Some people never learn, or grow up.

I dislike John Mayer.

I'm giving up sugar. x.x

New backgroundish thing for journal. Fun.
End. :x

Stoled from id_rather_hide.

Air. You think before you act, you look before you
leap. You are very direct, which sometimes can
hurt others. You are always looking for the
truth behind things. Of all the elements,
you're the wisest.

What is your element?
brought to you by Quizilla
... I so do not. o.o

Mila the Lynxcat

2004-12-09T07:49:28Z

My very own reindition of Frosty the Snowman. >p Hey, I got bored.

Mila the lynxcat,
Was a very crazy soul,
With a pointed stick and mice in rows,
And a love for digging holes!
Mila the lynxcat,
Chewed a fairy's tail one day!
It was made of snow,
But the kiwis know
How she chewed that tail one day!
There must have been some magic
In the cookie dough she found
For when she ate that dough that day
She began to prance around.
Mila the lynxcat
Was insane as she could be!
And the kiwis say
She would fly away
And come back with a turnip tree!
Mila the lynxcat
Knew the dough was scarce that day
So she said, let's fly
Soar across the sky
Before we melt away!
Up to the mountains,
With a spatula in hand,
Flitting here and there, and everywhere,
Saying let's all chase a hawk!
She led them down to the bakery
Right up to the muffin man,
And never paused a second to reclaim the cookie stock.
Mila the lynxcat
Had to scamper on her way
So she chirped goodbye
Saying chase a fly
And have a luffly day!
Tootity toot toot!
Tootity toot toot!
Look at Mila go!
Tootity toot toot!
Tootity toot toot!
Here and there, watch her go!

EEEE.

2004-12-08T19:17:47Z

Track & Confirm

Shipment Details

Your item arrived at 8:11 am on December 06, 2004 in ROUND ROCK, TX 78681. Information, if available, is updated every evening. Please check again later.

SO APPARENTLY... my money order arrived two days ago. :o

... It so better get there. ee;

...

2004-12-07T20:00:12Z

Okay. So. I go into Shadow Haven. Just to see if anyone's there, etc. Bot answers me, cool. So I decide to skim through the rules even though I don't need to, to get in. Looky what I find, on the second paragraph.

(10:39:40 AM) Shadow|Haven: We are hoping to have a continuity map with 2 or more dreams on it in the near future. we are also interested in hiring more staff. not for IC jobs like bar tenders, but for guild purposes. if you are interested send an email to vkahri@gmail.com. include 'shadow haven' in the subject line. references may be requested. We need uploaders and anyone capable of web design for a site would be helpful. For an IC job you must RP with a current staff member to get it. whisper Rules3.

... Excuse me, but that pisses me off. For months I've been planning on that fucking site, working on it, I got half of it done and then Kahri decides to change the rules and history and shit all around so everything I did is obsolete. She sits there and says people don't do anything, I have been trying. But last time I just immersed myself in SH I nearly lost my friends and everything else I've tried my damnedest to keep. I'm not gonna sacrifice everything I love because she's decided it has to be done now. I will get it done when I damn well please, on my own time. She doesn't know how hard it is to even fucking think when she's throwing all this shit at me and she just wants me to do it. I volunteered to do this, I can just fucking give up. And that's what THAT kind of thing makes me want to do.

Nice going, Kahri. I really feel appreciated. I really feel like you even WANT me here. So why the fuck don't I quit right now. Obviously it wouldn't be much of a loss since you've got it advertised on the bot that... oh, yea, I SET UP FOR YOU. Bitch.

Update hype.

2004-12-04T17:15:37Z

It's been about... a month since the update. It doesn't seem that long. The update's come and gone, people've stated what's good and what's bad, what to fix and what to ignore, but... people are still going on about it. A month later. That is a long time to protest something that won't revert back to what it was. It's like trying to get grass to grow backwards, it's not gonna happen.

So why do people still protest it?

It's getting ridiculous. Sure, there're some bad things, and things we have to adjust to, but... most of the 'problems' can be fixed with a simple editing of a patch, the editing of some settings, the ignore command. I love the new map, the squirrels don't look as horrid anymore to me, the new DS is a godsend, the color swapper on FSH editor has made my life way easier... don't get me wrong, I'm in a bit of happy denial myself, I use the classic skin and I still want to use _ every once in awhile. But... it seems rather pointless to me to want to dispute something that won't change. Maybe instead of walking around with our eyes closed, cursing at things we run into, we should open our eyes and look at things clearly. It's just stupid doing otherwise. I don't see how we can protest this change - We certainly don't put up this much of a fuss when we turn older, that's change, why should this really be any different? Look at the glass half full. Please.

xD

2004-12-03T23:04:44Z

You say, "Rejoice for I return. ._."
Phantomman: o.o
Phantomman praises the lord.
Otaku Hanzo: Anyways, time to do some cleanup on my system and become a child of the night stalking helpless victims to ravage the blood from their bodies.
Milani doesn't believe in the 'lord'. :(
Otaku Hanzo: Have fun, you two. :x
Phantomman: Okies.
Phantomman: =O
Phantomman: You too.
Phantomman: >>
Otaku Hanzo: Oh.... I will. >)
You say, "Any dude who was selfish enough to send his son to get nailed to a plus sign of wood to repent for his phone bill should not be praised."
You say, "BYE OTA."
Otaku Hanzo tosses out the luff and poofs.
Phantomman: Mila.
Phantomman: You're awesomazing.
Milani finally cleans annoying spot off of moniter..
You say, "I'm what? o.o"
Phantomman makes love.
Phantomman: You're awesomazing.
You say, "Okies. XD <3"
Phantomman: <3
Milani Lj's that. XD

THEY'RE MOOOOORE THAN GOOD, THEY'RE GREAT.

2004-12-01T15:19:01Z

I'm hyper. I'm cold. I feel like I'm coming out of a very deep haze. My head hurts. But strangely I don't feel crappy in any way shape or form, like I usually do this time of morning. My mind, despite it's dull ache of no caffeine, is clear. I feel like I could go to hell and back and come back still as happy as ever. Which is strange for someone like me, someone who's had so many ups and downs of the past month that she wasn't sure which one was up, anymore. And now I'm sure of that. I'm just in a wonderful mood. xD -shutsupaboutmoodnow-

Yesterday my mom dragged me from the computer (and away from Phanty. >() to go to Wal-Mart. Where I got candy. Haha. Hahaha. HAHAHAHA... oh. Yes, candy. And, um... then we went to Carrs, where I very nearly had a mental breakdown because they still have no sparkling cider and that crap is like my favorite thing about the holidays! D: So I get home... talk to Phanty more... then he leaves.. so I wander bravely around the rest of the house... play with Asher (my nephew) some... and mom's all like. I need your Christmas list. ... Wtf. I don't want anything for christmas. Unless I can have Phanty in a box. >>! <

Loving mockery.

2004-11-29T14:45:25Z

Name: God.

E-mail: GodRoxx0r@headintheclouds.net

Hours You Will Spend: one kajillion.

Why do you think you should be hired?: 'Cause I'll block you from Heaven if you don't. #SI

A situation arises. Your client has received a complaint about an event they are running. They think that it is biased against felines. How would you handle that?: Kill off all species but felines and glare defiantly.

Someone has spread slander and rumors against a client of yours, that is damaging their reputation. You are required to release an official response that deny the claims made. How would you go about doing this? Pop 'em one. :O

With the question above, post an example response. -punch-

What do you think the purpose and role of a Public Relations Consultant is? Dog chow.

What do you think is the purpose of the Public Relations Office? To fight for the rights of jellybeans.

Finally, are there any other comments you wish to make? EAT WOOD, CHOP WATER.