Milani's Journal

okay I lied!
treiss
<<; Okay.
I love you people.
And.
You're all wonderful for putting up with me.
OKAY?!




not like my journal is anything neat to read anyway

Okay. Journal coming back to life.

Friends status:
Added?
Nobody yet. XD

Removed?
amianiss - Unadded me. ;x
ecstaticfoil - Didn't add me back in the first place.
glitterdevil - Just... haven't talked to him much. -shrugs-
groovydog - Never added.
id_rather_hide - ... I can't even remember who this person is. :/
phantomman - Yup, gone seperate ways.
razord - He dun't use his LJ anymore, apparently.
redscool - Unadded me.

Working on a layout for this because I can't stand this. <3

I change my mind far too often. <3

lynxerfly

READ THE RULES IN MY INFO ON THAT ACCOUNT.
Add me.
Comment.
<3

1) I wish people would grow up.
2) I wish I could go back to the beginning of December.
3) I'm glad I'm nolonger a permanent clearing-goer.
4) I'm tired.
k?
k.

Have you ever felt that somehow you're just not good enough? Whether by word of mouth, subtle hints or just your own mind? That feeling can be pretty discouraging, I think everybody knows what it's like. Most of the human poulace has a low level of self esteem, that is a fact - and the rest are either indifferent or too cocky for their own good. Hardly anyone has found that happy medium between underconfidence and overconfidence. Especially online. Online you're judged by your personality. People can like you without knowing your race, religion, family tree, place of origin, sexual preference, what you look like, how you talk or what you wear. They just know, in pure essence, who you are, without all of that covering it. In most cases, anyway. Some people choose to pretend to be someone they're not because they don't think they're good enough how they are. Or for whatever reason.

( But I digress. )

This entry is not about Liam. kthx.

Life is just whatever right now. That's my attitude. .-. Possibly from lack of sleep but whatev.

Changed names on Furc to Xikali. No I don't care if you care. SUE ME?

There're a few people I'd love to murder right now, for various reasons. Causing pain, causing anger, causing frustration, causing negative anything. Just for being fucktards. I hope you're happy, assholes.

I'm done. x.x

So like I'm due for an update. Joy?

New Year's Eve/M'birthday was okay, had a horrible headache most of the day so I went to sleep and such. Talked to people, got roses.. Abbi gave me a phoe. YOU ARE THE LUFFS, ABBI. <3<3<3<3<3 Was a generally happy day, I got a silver earring holder kitty thinger, a kickass wolf poster, two pairs of tightish pants that flare at the knee (which I'm strangely attached to), a new shirt, a watch, a pillow that won't kill my neck, and three more Terry Pratchett books. So now I have The Truth, Equal Rites, Pyramids, Wyrd Sisters, Theif of Time, and The Light Fantastic (which I'm currently reading). Those are all in the Discworld series, by the way. I highly recommend all of Terry Pratchett's stuff, he's such a humorous writer and his books are so good. So, anyway. I'll most likely be doing lots of reading lately, which means I'll be afked lots. Hurr.

Day before that (morning actually), I had a run-in with Mike, my brother-in-law. I was taking out the trash and then I went downstairs to check my laundry and saw him sneaking into the family room. Downstairs is also where my sister and her family lives, and where my room is, which I can't use in winter due to the cold. Family room is across from their room, but the thing is, he's not allowed in that room anymore. So I did my laundry and such and snuck down the hallway and turned on the light, found him hiding behind the door. We kinda had an argument, in which I stated that if he was doing anything illegal and I found out, it wouldn't be kept quiet. I've found pills, strangeass ones, in that room before, leading me to believe he's doing drugs. I also informed him that if he hurt my sister in any way, I'd hurt him. It's hard to be intimidating when you're trying to intimidate someone who's over a foot taller than you, but I managed to pull it off 'cause he went stumbling for words. He used the excuse that he was taking out their trash, which he never did. Went back upstairs for a few, came back down, went into my room to get something, a book I think, and he came up to me and said something about there being a crapload of viruses on the computer. To which I pointed out that:
A) He hasn't been on this computer in MONTHS, so how the fuck would he know?
B) He's not allowed on this computer anymore.
C) It's not his computer, and if he's been mucking around enough to find any viruses, he's obviously in deep shit, 'cause it's not his computer to muck around in.
D) Since he's such an asshole, I wouldn't doubt if he put them there.
He shut up after that.

Yesterday I did pretty much nothing. Was a shit day, mostly 'cause I didn't get to see Matt.

I need to work on my website and crap. =/ Blerk. -goes back to waiting for Matt-

Happy new year, everyone. <3

You know what I'm sick of seeing? People who think they're above everyone else. Like people who would sit at the desk. OFFDUTY HELPERS. And when told that's not allowed they'd go 'Fine' and go on duty and KEEP SITTING THERE. Or when people sit there dissing other people's ports repeatedly, when they yoinked their port from a patch. An ugly one. And then use the excuse that they've got the right to state their opinion. While this is true, isn't there a difference between stating your opinion, and simply being a jerk? ... I think so.

My birthday is tomorrow. Yay? Not really sure what to feel. I'm not that excited. It's the same way every year - My mom trying to make everything special, my dad not really caring, my sister attempting to 'bond'. Maybe people will leave me be this year. ... Hah. Doubt it. Fourteen, huh? I never really pictured myself being fourteen this fast. I still feel twelve. People tell me I've changed, but I don't see it. I've changed by clearing standards, certainly - But inside I don't feel much difference. But then, I'm blind to myself. Oh well. o.o

I doubt I'll be updating tomorrow, so... happy new year, people.

What Will Milani Get ?

Xmas pressie predictor
Big wooly jumper knitted by	life_fox
Pair of Socks from	oryon_twinkie
Bottle of Whiskey from	dewprisms
Cd from	razord
Something Cuddly from	tafyrn
Something Intoxicating from	groovydog
Something Silly from	id_rather_hide
Something Funny from	inhandra
Lump of coal from	glitterdevil
Something Pretty from	phantomman
Something Shiny from	redscool
Something Naughty from	pyratus
Something Smelly from	hopes_star
Something Breakable from	xinakie
Something Useful from	bradkitty
Something not useful from	sacredbucket
The Black and Decker Tool Kit from	abbi_tigger
Livejournal account from	groovydog
The Make-up Bag from	xinakie
Stack of DVDs from	dewprisms
Something Geeky from	razord

Username:

Made by _imran_ and beyond_bananas.
Hosted at Memeland

Something geeky from Raz. I can believe it. XD

Your World (Part One): What is your world made of? [girls]
brought to you by Quizilla

Lately I've been wondering at myself. Trying to remember back before I had digos, before I was a Beekin, before I ended up heartbroken as hell over Paul. I don't remember much of myself back then. I do not. I honestly... can't remember. That scares me, or something. I'm not sure where I transgressed from a normal person to.. a not-so-normal person. I'm not so sure where I decided that it was fun to just be carefree, have arguments, bash people... no worries, right, 'cause hey, responsibility is for the real world, and we're obviously not there. I'm not sure where I decided to start being more mature. I'm also not sure where I decided that I was above others, like I was better, like life was just some sort of game, just turn it off and ignore it if you lose. I guess after my relationship with Will I decided that it just wasn't worth being that way anymore, and became more... calmish, engrossing myself even more into Beekin-crap. I remember cussing out Cosmos, the only two times I was ever booted. Today I wouldn't do that. I'm not sure where I came out of my morbid state, where black was a must in any colours I had, and that was it. I'm not sure where I decided pink was just another color. I'm not sure where I decided the clearing wasn't so bad after, all, even with all the fights. I remember my breif hangouts, New Haven, Challenges... I remember being digo obsessed for awhile, and I remember getting kind of over it. I remember being hurt, and I remember being happy. But I don't know how I changed. I kind of miss the old me, the one that didn't think twice before pressing enter. The one who didn't reign in her temper. The one who didn't give a good damn about yesterday or tomorrow. I'm content with who I am, but I don't understand where I changed. I don't think I ever will understand that.

"Here and now just passed.
There it goes again.
Oops. Again.
Every moment counts. Make it worthwhile.
Don't dwell on what happened or what's to come."

I may be gone for a long time without notice. My computer fan is getting worse and worse and I can't do anything about it. So. If I disappear, that's why. <3

I feel nasty. The throat hurts, my ear is tryingt o hurt, and I'd eat but my stomach feels like it's threatening to do dry heaves. x.x My head feels like a cement block and all I want to do is sleep. So I'm attempting to ignore these things. ... Fun, great, lovely. Anyways. ><;

I changed my compy's clock's time over to EST, because that's Matt's time zone. And I pretty much live on his time anyway. Sooo... I'm feeling the effects of that. I was up until seven this morning. x.x EEEEEEEEEEE. Oh, well. -loves- <3

Got my dream finished finally... I think... well, for now. Has everything necessary right now, so... I'm tired of DSing. o.o One more cause and effect and I will scream. =) It's just under 400 KB. Fuuu. I'ma try and shorten that.

Now I need to work on my website and my geography. I so don't want to read a boring textbook about climate and shit I will never ever use in the real world. ... x.x My head hurts.

So like, a real update, wow. Those rarely happen nowadays. Recap!

I love Matt. k. <3

We're now engaged, as of the seventh. <3333333

I've been working on my dream, sort of. I think I've finally chosen a layout I can live with. x.x

Been working on my website as well, it's like 1/3rd done.

Discovered I have some malware on my computer. I think I may have fixed it but we'll see.

I have one website layout commission and another pending one, fun.

I'm not sure where I stand with Shadow Haven anymore.

My money order got there and was processed, and I got a 23 bucks credit so I got the three portspaces for the price of two thing, and gave one to Matt.

Neca made me a port.

Saffy made me a port.

Matt made me a port.

Inhandra's making me a port.

So is Silvvy/Noddy.

I need more portspaces.

I'm hoping to have my website done by my birthday, fun.

My birthday is coming up, the 31st. I don't want to get older.

I have winter colors and stuff. <3

Groov and I have... reconciled? Something. I don't know.

Some people never learn, or grow up.

I dislike John Mayer.

I'm giving up sugar. x.x

New backgroundish thing for journal. Fun.
End. :x

( Quiz edit. )

My very own reindition of Frosty the Snowman. >p Hey, I got bored.

Track & Confirm

Shipment Details

Your item arrived at 8:11 am on December 06, 2004 in ROUND ROCK, TX 78681. Information, if available, is updated every evening. Please check again later.

SO APPARENTLY... my money order arrived two days ago. :o

... It so better get there. ee;